Stick to the Schedule; April 2 2025

I don’t know what it is, but something about this month – or, I suppose, the end of last week – has motivated me to exercise. I found a calendar that outlines what area of the body I should focus on each day, I’ve got my Ring Fit game… I’m going to try. Really try.

But I’m trying for my health, and not because I’m fat. These are two separate things.

Growing up, I was severely underweight. I just couldn’t seem to gain anything. I was stick-thin, wearing size 0 jeans, being blown into traffic on windy enough days (and that’s not an exaggeration).

After being pregnant, it became a lot easier to put on weight – and I did, not even intending to. I gained what the Internet affectionately refers to as a ‘Dad bod’. And you know what?

I was actually pretty happy about how I looked.

At first there was a bit of dysmorphia and internalized fatphobia I wrestled with. All my life, I’d been a skinny person. It was hard to see myself any other way. But, in time, I realized I was actually quite comfortable with my body, now. I grew my beard to kind of conceal my jawline, I got top surgery, got tattoos over the scars, and had my belly.

I was… or, I am… pretty satisfied with how I look.

But then I found out a good chunk of my health issues, the ones that aren’t chronic, are due to my liver. Specifically, my liver’s got too much fat in it from processing all the medications I’m on, and since I don’t exercise enough, it’s built up and become an issue.

I’m still waiting to find out what other treatments are available to me, but in the meantime? Exercise is something I can do. It’s something difficult, because chronic pain and a bunch of activity don’t tend to mix, but I can try.

Just, make no mistake. My self-improvement goals have nothing to do with my waistline.

I’m fat and proud of it.